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1. Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay
“Foreplay first is important; it takes me longer to orgasm with penis-in-vagina intercourse, so giving me a head start before the real action gets going increases the odds of me orgasming from penetration. And, aside from that, it’s all about the G-spot, and positions that help stimulate it are key.” —Ana, 25
2. Clitoral Stimulation During Penetration
“Either coincidental rubbing against my clit (because of how he moves his body) or that oh-so-sexy feeling of his balls swinging against me works!” —J., 23
3. Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor
Strengthening your pelvic floor can result in better sex all around. “I didn’t have a vaginal orgasm until I started doing ballet barre and Pilates regularly! And then: bam! It happens almost every time! Who knew exercise was good for you in the sack?” —L.B., 34
4. Good Vibrations
“I get off from having an orgasm via clit stimulation first (like from a vibrator) while having penetrative sex, and then continuing penetration in a different position. Works every time!” —Ashley, 27
5. Have an Orgasm Before Sex to Have Another During Sex
“Being really wet and coming before his penis enters my vagina makes me more able to come again.” —Tamar, 32
6. Squeeze the Walls of Your Vagina
“Squeeze the walls of your vagina in and up simultaneously. If you have the benefit of a gym, go try a few reps on the ‘captain’s chair’—the sensation is similar. It may even make you orgasm (yes, even at the gym).” —Kristin, 30
7. Try a Penis Ring
A penis ring adds much-needed clitoral stimulation to intercourse. Considering that only a quarter of women say they consistently orgasm through intercourse, adding a penis ring can be just what you need to climax.
8. Try New Positions
Research has shown that it’s naturally easier for some women to orgasm than others thanks to factors like the distance between your vagina and your clitoris. Sure, you can’t suddenly alter your vaginal-clitoral ratio, but you can try some new moves to increase the odds you’ll have an orgasm the next time you have sex. Find out how to get an orgasm by trying new positions that might work better for your anatomy. “For me, on my back with my legs over his shoulders is like opening the front door to my G-spot. Instant orgasm.” —Sarah, 30
9. Take Control
“It has to be him on top to achieve the angle at which I’m getting consistent clitoral stimulation and controlling that stimulation. I do most of the grinding, and it’s actually better if he holds still. Having a penis in my vagina seems to help, but too much thrusting and I lose my rhythm, so usually I just tell him not to move.” —Cordelia, 30
10. Stay Present
“There is nothing better you can do than to really get your head in the game,” says Block. “Forget about work, the laundry, what you’re going to wear to that party and focus on nothing but the sensations you’re experiencing. And definitely don’t give any thought to how you look. Believe me, you look incredibly sexy to the person you’re with. That’s one of the reasons they’re with you!”
12. Communicate With Your Partner
Heard this one before? Well, that’s because it really is that important, but shockingly few of us speak up. “If your partner is just few inches above or below where you really like to be touched or if things are too fast, too slow, or just not doing it for you, say something! Trust me, your partner in crime wants to make you feel great, so let him or her know what does and doesn’t work for you,” says Block. “If you find it hard to talk about, try saying things like, ‘I love it when you…’ Or, ‘It would really turn me on if you’d…’ or even ‘Can I show you something?'”
13. Move Your Hips
“The human body is designed to move, and motion and vibration really get the female body going,” she says. So move around, be active, and make sure to get your hips into the action, no matter what position you’re in: “Lifting your pelvis to meet your partner’s hands or mouth or a toy you might be enough to up the orgasm ante.”
14. Don’t Compare Your Orgasm Clock with His
Typically, “more time is spent on what works for male partners (penetration) as opposed to what female partners really want and need (clitoral stimulation),” says Block. So, however it is you prefer to get your foreplay, make sure to enjoy it—and not to worry about how long it’s taking. You should never feel rushed; your body needs what it needs.
15. Make Noise
Moaning, talking dirty, whispering, shouting—whatever is your thing, do that, says Block. It’s perfectly OK to get loud. “Sex is a body/mind/spirit practice,” she says. “When you are wholly involved on all fronts, it’s so much easier to have an orgasm.”
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While sexual preferences are different for everyone, there are still a few universal tenets that make sex even better. Whether you’ve been with your partners for ages, or it’s your first time having sex, here are 13 things all women want in bed.
1. Cunnilingus on par with every dude’s blow job fantasy. You know how guys want you to be so into sucking their dick that you’re literally like, gagging and tearing up? We want the same for when we get head. No, you don’t have to tear up, but passionate enthusiasm never hurt anyone.
2. Ability to read the room re: cuddling. Sometimes you want to be cuddled and spooned, sometimes you want to stay on opposite sides of the bed. While these preferences can differ not only from person-to-person, but also with each situation, it’s best to check in with your partner and see what’s up. Just a simple “Can I spoon you?” or something works here.
3. An open mind. Maybe you want to bring toys into the mix or try something different in bed. Being vulnerable when you’re naked is even harder, so having a partner who you can trust and feel safe around is key.
4. Vocal enthusiasm. There is nothing hotter than a partner who is just stoked to be with you and can’t stop geeking out over how hot he thinks you are, or how much you turn him on. Get loud and get freaky with it. Tell her how much you want her and can’t stop thinking about her.
5. A partner invested in my pleasure too. A woman is not your hand, a fleshlight, or any other masturbatory aid. Don’t just use her body till you orgasm and then roll over and assume she had a great time too, because that’s not how it works. Being a good partner is about putting in equal effort. You don’t want to be the person who bailed on the group project all semester, just to swoop in and take credit for the A at the end.
6. Peace of mind when it comes to protection. Be prepared, and assume we’re doing it with a condom unless otherwise agreed upon beforehand. Don’t pressure me to take it off halfway through or look at me dumbfounded with your dick hanging out of your pants like you’ve never heard the word “condom” before. Just don’t do it! I will walk out. I really will.
7. An orgasm. Sex shouldn’t end with just the male orgasm — especially if she hasn’t had one yet. If you’re going to be too exhausted after you orgasm, make sure she’s taken care of beforehand. It’s not rocket science. If you know, for sure, you’re going to get yours, wouldn’t you want your partner to enjoy herself too?
8. Communication. There’s a time and a place for wordlessly-grunty sex, but having a partner who asks if you’re into something or if you want it another way is also nice. You don’t get any extra points for making it to the finish line without saying a peep.
9. A clean bed. It’s really, really hard to let yourself go and enjoy yourself if you can feel your calves brushing up against any sedimentary layers of sweat, grime, and hookups past on his Target comforter with every grunt.
10. A spare phone charger. If I have to call an Uber afterwards, I want to be able to listen to music or check Twitter on my ride back, and I can’t do that if I stupidly let my phone just rot for the nine and a half minutes we had sex. And if I’m staying the night, I might still want to check Twitter if you fall asleep before me. Sue me!
11. Foreplay. It’s not a race to the finish line! You can take your time and draw stuff out and enjoy yourselves. A little patience will carry you a long, long way. Besides, if the orgasm was the only thing that mattered about sex, I’d be dating the USB brick that charges my vibrator.
12. Sock removal. Please, please remove your socks before sex. It’s just so weird to see someone like, fully naked but still wearing socks that it can really take you out of the moment. Plus, then you run into the weird thing of like, “Should I have left my socks on?” “Do they not like feet?” “Do they think my feet are ugly?!” and spiraling into a hole of foot-based anxiety, which is not a place anybody likes to be.
13. Realistic expectations. Please don’t climb into bed with me just to morph from Jake in Accounting to Ron Jeremy. Porn sex is cool and all, but real life sex isn’t always like that, and I resent the notion that it’s totally normal for a guy to flip you over wordlessly and try to stick it in your ass while calling you a dirty slut and telling you he’s gonna finish in your hair. Like, we just watched three episodes of Frasier on your laptop, stop acting like your convertible 2-bed is a sex dungeon. Chill.